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When the subject of jealousy comes up for many people, it's
usually thought to be a challenge between a couple in an
intimate relationship which involves a third party.
We know that jealousy can be about much more than that and
here's why . . .
You can be jealous of other people's things, their success,
their beauty, their athletic prowess, their relationship, their
kids, their education, their money, and their life. It can
be a tiny feeling in your gut or it can be an overwhelming
sensation that drive you to say and do things that you wouldn't
do otherwise.
Jealousy can creep in when you least expect it and it's always
a signal to look within and discover what's underneath it.
In fact, jealousy is almost never just about the jealousy itself
and what seems to be happening on the surface. It's usually
about whatever is lurking underneath that needs to be uncovered
and dealt with.
One thing we know from our own experiences and from the
experiences of our clients is that the first step to changing
anything in your life is first to become aware of your feelings
and the reasons why you want to change.
If jealousy isn't an issue in your life, you can substitute any
feeling that holds you back from creating and having the
relationships that you want.
These are feelings that separate you from other people and
build walls between the two of you. These feelings may be
anger, fear, sadness, or anything else that close you down
and don't allow connection with those you love.
Once you become aware of your feelings, you have a choice
to make:
1. Either you can stuff your feelings and deny that they are
there until they become so big that you are forced to deal
with them, or
2. You can acknowledge what you are feeling and make
the commitment that you are ready to have another experience
in your life and are willing to do what it takes to heal that
part
of yourself.
When it comes to jealousy, no matter how it shows up in
your life, it doesn't go away until it is acknowledged and
there is a strong desire to do whatever is necessary to
change and heal it.
Here's a quick example of how jealousy can manifest
itself and a couple of tips for getting to the bottom of it.
One of our coaching clients, Joan, found herself being
jealous of a bright, attractive new female employee in
her office.
Joan kept denying her feelings about this new co-worker
and found that at home, she was irritable with her husband
and was snapping at her kids more than usual.
She really knew that she had to do something about
her jealousy when she made an uncharacteristic sarcastic
remark when the new employee launched an idea in
one of their sales meetings.
Joan committed to finding out where her jealous feelings
were coming from. She took some time alone to get quiet
and feel what she was feeling and put words to those
feelings.
Then she asked herself some questions like "Why do I
feel threatened?" "What am I fearing will happen?
and "What does this feeling remind me of?"
She wrote her answers as she asked herself these questions
and she was able to get a glimpse of what she needed to
heal within herself.
If you are having challenges with jealousy or any other strong
emotion that could potentially wreck your relationships, we
invite you to look underneath and see what the real problem is.
Then you can commit to working on and healing these
challenges and committing to making some changes for
the better in your life.
About the Author
Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors from south central Ohio. They offer free resources and information about overcoming jealousy at http://www.All-About-Jealousy.com
To get their free online course for overcoming jealousy, visit http://www.NoMoreJealousy.com
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